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Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!
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My Gay Breakup
Articles
The First Five Days: Dealing With Your
Gay or Lesbian Breakup
The first five days after a break up may seem
like the worst days of your life, especially if the breakup was unexpected
or you were together a long time. If you have given you heart to someone,
the second they give it right back to you you cannot be expected to automatically
bounce back up and jump into the dating game. These things take time.
Lots of time!
You need to let your heart - as well as your
soul and spirits - heal. Now is not the time for reflection on your break
up. Instead, it's one of the most important times in your life when you need
to focus on yourself. If at all possible, you want to avoid falling into
a depressive slump as a result of your breakup. However, this 'slump' can
and will occur from time to time, so do not fret if it does occur. You may
even need some counseling to get past this, and sometimes just having a therapist
to 'listen' to you can put things into a more clearer perspective for you.
There are many things you can do for yourself
during this time. In fact, there are many things that you must do
in order to keep your life on track. If you lived with your ex then this
is going to be quite a change for both of you. There will need to be adjustments
made in your life - including a change in your schedule, and daily habits,
that may take a few months to get used to. If you are routine and thrive
upon following the same routine day in and day out (some people definitely
feel more secure in this type of scheduling!) then you may have a more difficult
time adjusting to your new schedule as opposed to someone that just prefers
to go with the flow and has an ever-changing schedule from day to day.
The first thing to do for yourself after you
break up is 'cocoon'. Draw the shades or curtains, take the phone off of
the hook, and pour yourself an ice-cold glass of water, lemonade, or juice.
Curl up on the couch and pop in a movie. If being alone at a time like this
doesn't set well with you then invite your best friend over and the both
of you can just 'vegetate' together in front of the tube. Your concentration
may not stay on the movie but having a friend there for you should help ease
your pain somewhat.
However, you shouldn't
have to talk about the break up if you do not want to. In fact, you're probably
not even ready yet to discuss it since the pain is still so fresh and new
for you. If your friend cannot come over,a and the thought
of being by yourself just isn't cutting it with you, then you may want to
go out some place public. Even if it's just to the coffee house (where people
most likely won't disturb you) or the mall, at least you're out and about
and not sitting alone at home, dwelling only on your ex and on your breakup.
Things you should avoid doing the first night
(and every night!) include:
*Getting Drunk
*Using Crack, Heroin, or other hard drugs to 'deal' with the pain
*Sitting alone in a room and wallowing in your sorrow
*Jumping into the arms of another to help drowned out your loneliness
These four things can lead towards loss of self-respect; denial; depression;
and much worse - so, please, avoid these 'quick' cover ups if you can.
(And you can!)
Spend the second day (once home from work) with
friends. Maybe go out to the club, or out to a poetry reading. You don't
have to be out for the 'dating' reason *grins*. It's still waaayyyy too soon
to think about dating again, but you may need to get out simply to enjoy
the support and companionship of your close friends. Even if you just go
out to dinner, or have your friends over to your place, you just don't need
to be alone at this time. If you can afford it, I highly recommend going
to the spa. A good massage can do wonders for your relaxation, as well as
remove the tenseness and stress you are carrying.
The third day is the day of 'removal'. It's
time to rid your house of some of these 'painful' reminders. They aren't
serving any purpose. The sooner they are out the better - but please
try to keep the first two days after the breakup spent on
you. With or without a friend (though I recommend with) you
should go through your closets, dresser, etc. and remove any clothing and
other personal items that they may have left behind. Pack their stuff up
in a plastic bag or box. You will need to have it dropped off at his or her
place, or, if they don't want it, then it should be taken to the Salvation
Army. Ideally, though, try to bring it to your ex's and let them make the
choice to donate it, or not. This may just save you from a lawsuit later
on! If you have to drop it off arrange it so you don't have to see each other,
or have a friend do it for you. Anything else that reminds you of him should
also be removed. This includes letters, pictures, mementos, and souvenirs.
Once everything is gone, take a deep breath. It's been a long three days.
You need to stay healthy to try to eat something and then get a good night's
rest.
The fourth and fifth days you may - or may not
- be ready to talk to someone about your breakup. Take it slow. If you aren't
ready then wait until you are. Still, try to stay close to friends and family
that you are the closest with, and try not to shut yourself up in your house
- or even in your bedroom, specifically. It's time to admit it's over and
look to the future. You should take your time going through the grief
that comes with a loss of a loved one, but try not to get 'stuck' in the
grieving process. The future lies ahead of you, and your life is currently
going on - with or without you behind the wheel - so you need to step back
into it and take the controls again. For help dealing with the grief of breakup,
and to feel better as soon as today, visit
'How to Get Over
a Breakup'. It will help you heal in record
time
Some things to remember:
· Don't jump into the dating arena too
soon. It may take a few months or longer for you to be ready. Any relationship
too soon after a break up is most likely going to be a rebound one - and
they very rarely last.
· Try not to see him or her too soon if
you have to. Emotions will be high and either of you could say some things
you regret.
· Don't talk about what happened until
you are ready. Your family or friends may want to know what's up, but that
doesn't give them the right to pressure you into talking about it.
· After the first couple of days, try to
avoid locking yourself up in the house. This is a depressive/anti-social
behavior that can hinder your healing period, and may lead to severe depression
- or worse.
All in all, remember that everybody has gone through a breakup at one point
in their life, or another. It has nothing to do with you! Yours is not the
first heart to break, nor will it be the last. It has nothing to do with
being gay or lesbian, or even transgendered. It has everything to do with
people having the right to make their own decisions in life, which is exactly
the same message that the gay community tries to relate to the rest of the
world. Everybody has the right to their own personal happiness, and their
own personal preferences and choices, and this includes your ex, too. If
all else fails, remember this little bit of wisdom from renowned breakup
expert, Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru: one-hundred-years from now
none of this will matter anyway! *SO
SMILE* |
